Whilst considering the
Deficiencies
Solitude encompasses me
& sorrow bleeds
From my soul

How many times
Do I need to walk the floor
Praying peace
At the midnight hour?
Tell me
Please tell me


Didn’t matter what I saw
Or heard or spoke or touched
It was all an illusion
‘Cuz I was caught up
In pretending
Yeah in pretending


And now, my lover
I’m finished
Finished playing games
(I’m) reincarnated & free
(I’ve) risen from the flames


I don’t belong to you
No, I don’t belong to you
No, my lover, I don’t belong to you

Untitled

Like a flash of lightning --
The happy days . . .
Again, thrust so far
Into the caverns of memory
They are but shadow people
Hovering hazily, lazily
The music fades to a
Few simple notes, then
Once again
Silent to the world

Shhhh . . .

Not a soul stirs . . .
All is placid; serene
Tears begin to fall
From the sinister clouds
Rain melts the makeup
Into rivers flowing down
My pale cheeks

Closer (Nine Inch Nails)

You let me violate you
You let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you
You let me complicate you

Help me...
I broke apart my insides
Help me...
I've got no soul to sell
Help me...
The only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself

I wanna fuck you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
I wanna fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to God

You can have my isolation...
You can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith...
You can have my everything

Help me...
You tear down my reason
Help me...
It's your sex I can smell
Help me...
You make me perfect
Help me become somebody else

I wanna fuck you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
I wanna fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to God

Through every forest
Above the trees
Within my stomach
Scraped off my knees
I drink the honey, inside your hive...
You are the reason I stay alive...

Needles jab young flesh

You are strong, brave & stoic

It's for your own good

For the haiku-er
Damn you for infecting me
Now I cannot stop

Written now, felt some time ago

Loving so freely
Forgetting to guard closely
A heart breaks again

For a very dear friend of mine

Beautiful spirit
Hurt and angry; letting go
You will be okay

Things learned in 2007

I just finished reading my niece Manda's blog, where she posted a list of things she learned this past year. I thought it was pretty cool (just like she is) & decided to give it a whirl myself.

1. Moving sucks. Even with a moving company, it sucks. All the packing & then all the unpacking...it sucks. (Did I mention IT SUCKS??) However, I learned that giving up space (a lot of space!) for location IS worthwhile.

2. Having more stuff doesn't make you better, smarter, cooler, more successful, well-liked, funnier or better looking. I purged so much "stuff" this past year and don't miss a thing. Except my pie plates that must have somehow gotten into one of the bazillion boxes of stuff I gave away. No biggie. I still have waaaay too much "stuff." I read a book about the life of Gandhi & it included a photo of all his worldly possessions...which were very, very few. How much of what I have do I really need?

3. Isolation feeds depression. It's not easy to break away from that dark cycle, but once you do, the world automatically looks a little brighter.


4. Friends are there to lean on and they want to help you (in the same way you want to help them!). Trust them & your friendship...and remember that you're loved!


5. It is absolutely imperative that parents (especially those of the "single" variety) take time for themselves. Just like on an airplane when they instruct you to put your own oxygen mask on first and then put one on your child, you need to take care of yourself in order to effectively take care of your child. I'm still working on this one.


6. Pick up the phone and call someone instead of waiting for them to call you. It's worth it.


7. Socks do not need to match. Not with each other OR with whatever else you're wearing. Proof of that is in the photos from my parents' 50th wedding anniversary where I'm in my pretty dress........and bright green froggy socks. :D


8. Let go of old burdens. Ask for forgiveness where needed...including forgiving yourself.


9. Always be a little kinder than necessary.


10. Dull people have immaculate houses. Friends are more important than cleaning. Hands down.


11. Of course you need money to live, but other than that, money just buys more "stuff." (See #2) It's amazing how little money you really need to live a happy life.


12. Nothing beats a great haircut (or great hair day).


13. The actions of others are out of your control. You can only be responsible for your own actions. Stand in it. Live it. Own it.


14. As much as I (still) fight against it, routine is absolutely necessary. *sigh*


15. Finding the thin line between loving freely & not giving your heart away too quickly is difficult to do...but usually worth the journey in the long run. It's also difficult to accept the fact that "you don't always get what you want"...and that has to be okay. Just keep loving...


16. Everyone has something beautiful about them.


17. I hate the Norwalk flu virus. A lot.



I'm trying to make it to 20, but I guess I only learned 17 things last year. Yowza. Certainly I learned more than that! Lemme think...



18. Raccoons can purr.


19. Making prank phone calls never gets old. *ahem* Sorry 'bout those calls...



And here we are at twenty!



20. Clapping makes people happy!



Okay, okay...I was kinda grasping there at the end. Thinking back over an entire year isn't an easy task for someone with a "rubbish memory" (thx Emmy) like me. If/when I think of more poignant lessons learned, I'll post them. Oh! Oh! OH!! I just thought of another one!! And this one is likely one of the most important ones from this past year (and now I'd better type it quickly before I forget it!!):



21. You can't move forward by standing still.



And on that note...
Chimo!